If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
