drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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