All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
