Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize