I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
