i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
