Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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