We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
