I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
