I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
