Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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