she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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