You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
