i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
