I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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