One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
