matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
