apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
