i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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