Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
