put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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