Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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