So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
