how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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