PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
