mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
