Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
