Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize