I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
