I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
