On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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