Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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