I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
