We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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