in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
