Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
