Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
