oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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