Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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