he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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