Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
