Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
When are your genitals available?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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