i barfeds in our rink
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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