You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
