I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
