from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize