omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
