Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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