I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
there is puke in my bra ... again
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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