I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
