last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
