So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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