So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
