I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
