i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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