So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
only you would photoshop your dick
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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