Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
