dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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