That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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