i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
