It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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