I only kidnapped one of them. chill
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
