my vag is so smooth its legendary
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
