There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
