bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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