So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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