paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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