I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
