I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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