I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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