if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
as a side note pls kill me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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