I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
