I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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