Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
