In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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