Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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