I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
