maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
