I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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