i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
