Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
