I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
