Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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