the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize