Are we in a gay sports bar?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
