Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
