I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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