Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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