Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
