I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
