I skipped work to stalk him.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
