You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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