He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
