I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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