4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
