hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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