I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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