I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
