New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
