Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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