I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
