What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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