your parents love me but you hate me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
