i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
