Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize