saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
