You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
