I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just pee around me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
