she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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