Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
