i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
did i just pee glitter
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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