Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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